Facebook, the news, and conversations have involved the topic of my story. Nothing specifically pertaining to me, but all surrounding the subject: abuse -spiritual, physical, sexual, emotional. I have been angered by the things I’ve heard. Not at the people, but at the evil. Then I tried to ignore it all. There isn’t just one isolated event. There isn’t just one abuser. I didn’t want to think about the past. It’s like opening pandora’s box.
Then today I read this.
I cried. It was like my life being told by a complete stranger.
I wanted to share it, but didn’t. I was too afraid.
I was afraid of the judgement that I knew was going to come from it. People were going to be angry with me for going against “Godly” men.
My abusers were “nice guys.” Everyone loved them. There is no way they could have done what they did. But they did.
“- where whole communities don’t rush to support the perpetrators of abuse as victims who need to be protected from the people they’ve abused.” source
My mom was told that she had ruined someone’s life by speaking out about my the abuse. Essentially I had too, as I was the one to originally speak up. We ruined his life??!
We went to get advice from someone we thought we could trust. We were told reporting abuse was wrong. It was to be kept within the church. It was only ever to be dealt with within the church. The Bible says it’s wrong to ever involve the courts. Why? Because they are not living and making judgments based off of the Bible. All lies, but we followed what we were told. And I was thrown to side and stomped down. I was not worthy of being heard.
I was told to forgive my abusers. and forget. I was condemned anytime I brought it up again. Obviously, I hadn’t forgiven them, because if I had I would never talk of it again.
The sad thing is that recent events have made it even more public, how responses of disbelief and condemnation towards abuse victims are not just limited to the Christian community. The world as well, cannot reconcile “nice people” doing horrific things.
I was asked if I had seen this. I hadn’t. I was told not to read it, because it would make me angry. I did. It did! Then it made me sad. What made me sad? The title “A Handy Christian Chart to Make Sexual Abuse Victims Feel Like Shit.” This was being posted by someone “named” ‘Christian Nightmares. You should read the comments. Heartbreaking. I know where that chart came from and let me tell you that is NOT Christianity! The place that came from is taking the name of Christianity and twisting it to control and abuse others. I know, I grew up in it. It is sad that the part of Christianity that gets the most attention is not Christianity at all.
Church where are you?!
Why do we not look more like this?
“– where women are not shamed because of their bodies, where men can take responsibility for their own sins rather than trying to oppress and control others.”
“– where victims of spiritual, emotional, and sexual abuse are celebrated for their bravery in coming forward rather than being told that what happened to them was their own fault.”
“A world where church is a refuge rather than a manufacturer of nightmares.”
I started writing just for myself. But then I decided that it was time to be brave. It is time to fight the evil we have allowed to creep into our beliefs. So, here I am feeling about as strong as a newborn, but standing for myself. I know some people may not like this, but I have a community that loves me and has shown me what real Christianity is.
…feel free to comment, but know that any nasty, rude, oppressive comments will be deleted. : )